Stories
Laura – professional woman, aged 45
This would be the best kept secret in my workplace. I am the Target of Workplace Bullying and this is my story. When I went through your questionnaire, my response was –‘almost always’ to all the questions. This is so sad.
It began almost immediately, in a very insidious way, 10 years ago I was appointed as an accountant for a not-for-profit organisation. I had known the person who was a senior accountant and also the unit leader for the finance department for some time. Initially I accepted the criticism as her way of giving me ‘feed back’ and I went about trying to improve myself. I sought help from numerous people, even engaged and funded a therapist and endeavoured to fix my self up. The therapist provided me with positive feedback, believed I was confident, competent and open to criticism. We role played scenarios, to build in some strategies around the difficulties I had experienced.
Briefly, my confidence was raised but it was met with public humiliations and ridicule. Often I would be caught off guard, and left in shock. My confidence dwindled. Sometime the attacks were very personal.
Efforts to share my experiences with colleagues was met with disapproval ‘what had I done to cause the situation’ or ‘I don't want to hear’. I fell into a silent world and colleagues acknowledged I was a 'scapegoat' for the department but did little to help. They fear the consequences of supporting me
My manager was good at building alliances to support the abuse. She would choose people carefully. In one particular meeting the manager facilitated a beat-up job on me. It comprised of staff questioning me until I fell silent. I was so shocked by the attack I did not respond well to the barrage of questions. They saw that I sabotaged their meeting. Feeling unsafe I left the meeting and my manager perused me. She continued to blame and accuse me for the situation that had developed in the meeting. Furthermore, she demanded that I apologise to the team for walking out of the meeting. I refused on the grounds that they had all abused me. Consequently my manager and nearly all of the staff did not speak to me for nearly six months. New staff somehow seemed to avoid me. I was later informed that they were pre warned about me and I had been labelled as a "trouble maker"
Through out this year of hell I sought help from EAP and discussed taking a Personal Grievance but I ran out of confidence and courage. Because I believed I was not good enough I took on additional study to upgrade my qualifications. During this period I was persecuted, humiliated, and constantly ridiculed. One day I walked in on a colleague doing an interpretation of me while the manager and other colleagues laughed.
At times I was so desperate, alone and sometimes felt suicidal. My heart literally broke. I had become traumatised.
I developed survival strategies. I turned inward and reached downward connecting with my spirituality and reconciled with God. I watched the movie ‘Gandhi’ over and over again and learned the power of passive resistance. I understood the suffering.
I have now obtained excellent qualifications and endeavoured to be as professional as I can be. But, my manager would never consider me for any areas of responsibility within the dept as though I cannot be trusted. I find this humiliating especially when people know I have been employed for a long time. I am recognised for my knowledge and skills and the ability to get on with people. I trained accounting staff and constantly receive positive feedback. I supervise other accountants. I am a people person. I never indulge in gossip. I have never had any warnings or disciplinary action taken against me. My family and friends love me dearly.
I am often excluded from meetings where decisions are made despite carrying one the most difficult work loads in the dept. I have not received a performance appraisal or a salary raise for more than six years. Two years ago I approached my manager and asked her to be my referee as I was applying for an accounting position in another organisation. She continued to work at her computer and said "NO". I left her office, shaken, but I continued to work there.
Through all of the abuse I continued to work. Last year in November 2002 I collapsed, they put it down to a combination of factors yet I know the abuse was a major factor. Three years ago my mother was hospitalised and I travelled to sit with her on her death bed. My manager called me to a phone to ask how she was and then started to question me about a case I was working on. My whole family were stunned by this event and my brother wanted to front up to her. I aimed to follow up on this but I was to grief stricken. I graduated a day after my mother’s funeral, and I can't remember any of it. Colleagues refused to discuss the incident. I sought EAP.
I believe I had been made to feel ashamed because I was a 'solo mother' raising three children. The Manager presented herself as a gentle, kind Christian woman who is happily married and has professionally trained children.
My marriage was one of abuse. I received a court settlement after many years, and struggled to provide the basics for my children. I cannot believe that I have swapped one abusive relationship for another, but it is my reality. Recently my dearest friends have commented on my reclusive life style. I have not had the confidence to socialise. I never want to be a burden and have suffered in this silence for a long time. However, people who care about me have coerced me into living again. I have recently applied for another job in another city and my manager now seems willing to act as a referee. I feel she has an invested interest in getting rid of me.
I was short listed and interviewed and my Manager disclosed this to the team whilst I was away even though I had asked her not to. There is no place for me here, she has ruined my name and cast aspersions on my character and I doubt that I would get employment in this town.
The dept has received two investigations as a result of behaviour and her style of management, the staff turn over is high, sick leave is high and the staff suffer in silence. No one receives positive feed back.
As a result of the 60 Minutes programme and articles in the PSA magazine, I have now discussed the abuse with my friends and family. They would like to help me deal with it in some way. It was great to be believed. I am prepared to do this when I secure another job. I am pleased that this issue of bullying has addressed some issues.
Unfortunately, in my case, one of my strengths became my weakness; i.e. my fierce independence prohibited me from seeking help. However, today I talk about it. The sense of shame is beginning to fade. The abuse is totally constructed on ‘fear’ - you are dammed if you do and damned if you don’t. Writing it down is extremely therapeutic.
My best revenge has always been success, to keep learning and I am a high achiever. I was taught not to compromise others and in doing so I ended up compromising myself.
I applied for a position in another city – a long way from here and where I have friends and family. There is a delay in the appointment process due to restructuring within the organisation and they have to consult with referees. Hmmmm. As a result of the delay, I am still employed in the same dept with the same manager however now I believe there is light at the end of this tunnel.